Toad in the Hole

Mood: Sore
Theme Song: "Crash" - Dave Matthews Band
On the Telly: UK version of "So You Think You Can Dance"

Woke up this morning to cold, drizzly rain. I had to run some errands and so I did what I normally do every morning, and took a shower. However, at the end of said shower, I got the bright idea to try to reach for a towel that was at the very end of the towel warming rack. My shower is half-glassed in - there's a glass "wall" that swings open if needed. What I was trying to do was open the door and reach out for the towel while still in the shower. Well, I overextended and slipped. There was nothing to grab onto (but the smooth glass) and so slippy slidey down I went, smacking the top of my stomach on the edge of the tub. Which did not feel especially good. Frankly, as I lay there in the tub, heart pounding, I was just thankful that I hadn't hit my head on anything. I'm sure someone from work would have checked on me if they hadn't heard from me by Monday, but that wouldn't really be helpful if I was dying in my bathtub. So I've promised myself to be much, much more careful.

After all that excitement, I gathered up several bags of trash and cardboard to take to my local Rubbish Tip (www.canterbury.gov.uk/buildpage.php?id=1735). I think I've explained that trash pick-up is not like it is in the U.S. You can't just put whatever by the side of the road and hope for the best. They alternate trash and recycling pick-up every other week. Therefore, if you have alot of trash (like I do, from boxes and whatnot), then you need to load it up and take it to the rubbish centre. After doing that, I decided to check out my local TK Maxx.

Yes, you read correctly. It is T"K" Maxx, not TJ. I'm not sure exactly why - as its the exact same store (same logo, same layout, same stuff basically) - but I think it has something to do with copyright or some such. Anyway, they had some pretty good stuff in there. I got a great cheap picture to hang on the wall, a can opener, a container to hold my rice, and other associated home stuffs. Which brings me to

• Weird Moments in Britain #1: The store charged me 6p (basically six cents) per shopping bag. When I expressed my complete and utter amazement at gouging one's customers this way, I was told that "using bags kills the environment" and "in the UK, we care about the earth". (I'm not making this up) Had I known that they were such tree-huggers at the TK Maxx, I would have brought my carry bag with me!

I then visited my buddies at Argos, where I had to return a couple shoe racks I bought. They were wood and self-assemble, but they were made of compeltely untreated and un-sanded wood, and just opening the top of one package gave me three splinters last night. While there, I picked up a dustbuster. We now come to

• Weird Moments in Britain #2: British people drive like nothing I've ever seen before. Even in Boston. Not only are the "car parks" (parking lots) designed for some bizarre miniature race of people with super tight corners and extremely small parking spots, but the British people driving in them show a complete and utter disregard for all the other cars around them. I was driving down one of the lanes and this lady just pulls out right in front of me. Doesn't look my way, doesn't seem fazed that THERE IS A CAR IN THE SPACE WHERE SHE IS TRYING TO DRIVE. Just ignored every traffic law I know including all known laws of physics. Now, I would normally chalk this up to her just being a jackass. However, this has happened to me in every car park I've been in. So, to anyone British reading this - am I crazy? Is there some super secret code of how to drive in a parking lot that makes it okay to just pull out at will? I'm dying to know.

Driving over here has been especially trying for me. I've mastered the fact that I'm on the other side of the road. Check, got that. I'm about 75% to understanding the rules of a roundabout - I'm still totally confused about what signal to put on. I know to put on the left one if I'm exiting immediately out of the roundabout. However, what if I'm taking the 2nd exit? If I put my right-hand turn signal on, then those people waiting to enter at the 2nd exit think I'm continuing on around. If I put on my left-hand signal then the people behind me think I'm getting off at the 1st exit. Basically I just pick one at random and hope for the best. Oh, and I bought a Learner Driver sign to put in my window. It's a white box with a big black "L" in it that goes in the back window. So basically I'm going to be motoring around the UK with a big old Loser sign on my car. Niiiice. But its better than my original plan which was to put an American flag in the window with the words, "Back off! I'm used to REAL roads". That probably would have gotten my car egged, keyed or worse ;)

• Weird Moments in Britain #3: Road markings. I don't know how to explain this. You know how in the U.S. sometimes on the road itself it says "School Zone"? But there's ALSO a sign on the side of the road saying "School Zone", too? Well, over here its like a game of Pictionary, but on the road. An example - sometimes, at a side road (like a T junction), there are these weird yellow diagonal markings on the road. After several times of cursing people out and honking profusely, I was told by a nice British colleague that these lines mean that you can't stop there. So basically if I'm in traffic, and we're at a standstill or moving slow, its just like blocking an intersection in the U.S. - you don't do it. I didn't know this and cars were just pulling out in front of me at random since in British law, if there's nobody in the yellow box, you are free to go. But there's no sign explaining this, EXCEPT the markings on the road. And, while when I am driving I do look at the road, I'm not exactly planning on READING it!

I got back to the flat and made myself a PB&J. I managed to find "Chunky Peanut Butter" at the Morrison's. It's not bad, but its nothing like JIF. It's like peanut butter lite or something. I then grabbed my carry bags and walked into town. On my way there, I passed a woman and her young daughter who had apparently stopped and decided to take her shoes off for some reason. The woman was screaming at the girl, "It puts its shoes on NOW!". I literally paused in the sidewalk, wondering if Buffalo Bob was near. I wonder if when the girl goes home she has to put the lotion in the basket or else she gets the hose?

The town was pretty hopping, people everywhere. I've come to the conclusion that no matter where you are in the world, old people jack up roads and grocery stores. They can't drive and they insist on stopping smack dab in the middle of an aisle in the store and looking confused. My new favorite store is Wilkinson's. They have EVERYTHING. Well, not clothes, but everything else. And its pretty cheap, too. I got two great lamps for my bedroom for 5GBP each. And some nails and screws, and things like toilet paper holders and such. But I think I'm finally done buying things for the flat. The only thing I'd love to have is a glass coffee table, but its not a necessity. The bed for my second bedroom should be coming in the next few weeks, so I'll be all set for visitors come the end of February. :) Oh crap, I just realized I forgot an extension cord. *D'oh*!

I stopped at the Starbucks in Canterbury just to check it out, and they passed muster. However, instead of a "non-fat no-whip tall Hot Chocolate", I got just a "skinny hot chocolate". I don't think the UK has the 87 versions of skim milk that we have. Something else I noticed is that they used real mugs there for people who were drinking the coffee in the store. They also have way different things in the goodie case. Yes, there are cookies and croissants, but also scones and some kind of marshmallows on a stick covered with chocolate and caramel and other stuff.

Hmmm... watching this UK SYTYCD, I've come to the conclusion that America needs to start packaging dance moves and rhythm and selling it abroad. These people need da funk, man. This disco dance I'm watching is like it was sponsored by Wonder Bread, its so white. Sheesh!

Oh, and earlier, I caught a bit of the pre-show for the Brit Awards 2010. It was so interesting and different to see all the nominations and most were people that I hadn't ever heard of... and that I couldn't really understand why they are popular. Dizzee Rascal, Lily Allen, Coldplay, Duffy - ok I get those. But things like Girls Aloud? N-Dubz? Robbie Williams? Makes my head hurt!!!

• Weird Moments in Britain #4: The Food. Can I just say that I cannot find certain things I really, really miss? If anyone wants to send a care package, I will not turn the following away... I'm going to try to order some of this stuff online, too.
• REAL Balsamic Vinaigrette. I miss Newman's Own Light Balsamic Vinaigrette like nobody's business. I bought some BV over here, but its horribly sweet and thick. Eugh.
• American Instant Oatmeal. I bought Quaker Oats over here but it has absolutely no flavor. Or flavour. It was like eating mushy cardboard.
• Vigo Black Beans and Rice mix. I used to live off this stuff. Cheap, filling and GOOOOOD. And so easy to make after a long day at work. Sometimes I'd throw in some roasted pork or chicken.
• Amy's Vegetarian Black Bean soup. Mmmmm.... good.
• Tri-color rotini pasta. Haven't seen it anywhere here. Oh, and egg noodles. American egg noodles. The ones they call egg noodles over here look more like fettucine or something.
• JIF Reduced Fat Chunky Peanut Butter
• And its not food, but I can't find Crest Pro-White toothpaste. :(
• If you send me any American food, please include a box of LUCKY CHARMS and as many bags of CHEETOS as you can get in the box without ruining them. These are for my co-workers and I will pay you for them.

I was going to go out tonight and have dinner at this local wine bar - but I'm leaning towards a quiet night in. I'm not sure if I'm up to facing the locals just yet. I want to get out and meet people, but I'm all bruised up and sore. I don't know if that would make the best impression. And since I've been running all day, I'd have to shower again and I'm still a bit wary of that place... ;)

Federman out.