A Friday Full of Adventures

Yesterday, I had the day off work to run various errands. The first of which was the dreaded lady doctor. Yes, I still say "lady doctor". Deal with it. I needed to go because I needed to get my implant removed (I've had Nexplanon for the past couple years) and get a new prescription to replace it, as I was tired of dealing with all the wacky side effects. I was also due for a general check up - and I can't lie, a bit curious about how this would work in the German system.

Remember the post from a couple weeks back when I tried to make the doctor's appointment? Well, this was the appointment. I drove over to the office, which was in the town of Oestrich-Winkel - just across the Rhein. My Google Maps had me going a long way around to a bridge and then across. My GPS, however, had other ideas. It took me straight to the river - which was alarming, until I realized that there was a ferry. For those of you reading from Cincinnati, it was almost exactly like the Anderson Ferry, just everything in German and a lot more organized. 

Das Ferry

So across I went on the ferry, for the (slightly exorbitant) cost of 4, 20 Euro. (I suppose that it would be less expensive if I had a monthly pass, and I also had to factor in the time saved by not going all the way around) I got to the other side and into Oestrich-Winkel, which was cute, cute, cute. Apparently it is the beginning area of wine country and so there were tiny little restaurants and wine stores everywhere. There were signs pointing to different vineyards, and along the road leading to my doctor's office, there were actually rows and rows of grapes growing. 

My doctor's office was located just a grocery store, which seemed a bit odd. However, when I got inside, it was clear that I had stumbled upon a practice catering to the more affluent members of German society. Everything was brand new and spotless. The receptionist spoke decent English (clearly she was off the day that I called). The fun came when she handed me the typical paperwork to fill out as a new patient - and it was all in German. "Here you go" (she said, in German). "Give it a try, and let me know if you have questions." While I was excited that I could understand her, I was pretty sure that my meagre four German lessons had not prepared me for completing medical paperwork.

I was right. However between my Google translate photo app and a modicum of utilizing context clues, I was able to get the form completed. Only two questions gave me pause. One asked me how I "prevented invasion" (?) and the other had so many words that I was only able to piece out a few and guess at the rest. For the first question, I took a leap of logic and inferred it was about protection/birth control... and I was right. (Cue applause). For the second question, not so much. In fact, the receptionist came back to me in the waiting room and I could see she was desperately trying to keep a straight face. She explained that for the question which asked me about my profession, I had written "fast walking and running". (I thought it was asking me about exercise). I explained that I had only learned two words so far about working (arbeiten = to work and von Beruf = of your profession) and that I was sorry for the confusion. She assured me it was fine and that it was actually quite amusing to everyone. I'm so glad she decided to share with the entire staff. 

German doctors must be like American doctors in that they overbook, because my appointment was for 11 and I didn't get seen until 11:45. Before that I had to pee in a cup. I was sent into a bathroom, and then the nurse pointed at some plastic cups and told me to write my name on the cup, urinate into it, and then open the door in the wall and put it inside. Aside from autographing the cup, this was exactly like when I was at the clinic at work for my "tune up".  Except this time there were VERY specific instructions for my behalf.  They are pretty graphic, so I'll let those who are interested play with Google translate on their own. Suffice it to say, I had never realized there were people in the world who needed a step-by-step breakdown of "pee in a cup".

After my long wait, someone came to get me. It turns out that it was Martin, the kind man who had called me back to schedule the appointment after my language snafu. He apologized again for any confusion and told me I was always free to email the practice with any questions. It then turned out that Martin was actually the doctor, my doctor and it was time for the exam. So. The exam itself was typical of any normal lady-doctor exam. What made it different was:

1. Martin happened to be pretty young and fairly attractive. I don't mind a male lady-doctor, but it is harder when they're cute. 

2. There are no gowns in Germany. You heard me. What you do is go behind this changing room screen, and take off everything from the waist down. Then you walk across the room (I repeat, naked from the waist down) and clamber into the chair. Legs go up, chair goes back, doctor does his business. 

3. Transvaginal ultrasound. Oh, yes - for my friends in the ultrasound world, I got to get up close and personal with the ICT probe. Apparently this is standard in German exams. Despite the fact that I was sitting on a pillow (still naked from the waist down) with an ultrasound probe in my special place, the experience was redeemed by the huge flat screen TV and Martin's explanations. I got to see my ovaries! And apparently all my lady business is doing just fine. Having worked in ultrasound previously, it was really neat to see it in use. I just wish that maybe it had been on someone else at the time.

4. After the ultrasound, I was given some paper towels and sent back to the changing area. Only this time, it was in reverse. Bottom half clothes went back on, top half clothes came back off. And so out I came, naked from the waist up. Martin then asked me to put my hands behind my head  while he conducted the breast exam. That's right, I was just standing there in the middle of the room while this nice German doctor got to second base.

THEN, what made it even more fun was that while I was still naked from the top up, he decided that was a good time to have me sit down and talk about my health history, my implant, and so on. I know that Europeans take a different view of nudity, and that doctors in general aren't really phased at all, but I can tell you that it is fairly uncomfortable to be having an in-depth conversation while topless. Unless that conversation involves me, Johnny Depp and our future, I'd rather not.

I was finally allowed back into the changing room to dress (yay! Clothing!) and then ushered to a second room for the implant removal. This was par for the course - anesthetic, incision, removal, bandage. However, after a few harrowing experiences in English doctor's offices, I couldn't help but be continuously impressed by how clean and orderly everything was.

I had to pay 60 Euro for the implant removal as it wasn't covered under the general German health insurance. My prescription (for 3 months) will run me about 18 Euro. I didn't have any other payment (well, aside from my ridiculous 50% tax rate, but that's a rant for another day). However, before everyone starts frothing at the mouth about the joys of socialized healthcare, I'd like to say that I was told my experience is unusual. I went to a practice in a small town that is fairly flush with money from my company (which employs about 8,000 people locally) and the vineyards. This was obvious from the cars in the parking lot and the clothing of the people in the waiting room. (I didn't set out to pick a posh doctor, I just picked the first name on the list marked "Doctors who speak English"). I've been told that in major cities or poorer areas, the wait time is between six months and a year and the facilities are in pretty bad shape. Again, not all - I'm sure there is a mix. And yes, I completely get the idea that regardless of one's income, employment status or social strata, there is always healthcare. I'm certainly not opposed to that. I would just like to reinforce that one can't have American-style services, wait times, equipment and expediency and have a socialized system. Something has to give. And here in Germany, many people have already chosen to pay really high rates for private insurance just to avoid the waiting and the other issues. 

After the fun of the doctor's office, I still had a full day ahead. My official moving-in day for my new apartment is the 3rd, which is when all of my goods from storage will arrive. My bed, my bed, my glorious bed! {insert happy dance} Before I moved, I either sold or gave away most of my living room furniture - as I had owned it for years and was ready for something new. Therefore, I needed to buy new furniture and also get something for the guest room/office area/room where I will probably store all my shoes and clothes.

A few things to note about Germany. There are no closets. Oh, maybe some brand-new builds might have them (at the request of an American-ized owner) but to find them is very, very rare. Thus, I needed to buy ein Kleiderschrank (a wardrobe). For those of you following along with my German lessons, kleidung = clothing and schrank = cupboard. One of the things I am really enjoying about German is that most words are combinations of other words, and so once I'm able to pick them apart, I can usually understand the meaning.

I had decided that I really, really, really wanted to avoid IKEA if at all possible. I know they don't have bad merchandise, but my last furniture was flat-pack (from John Lewis in the UK), and while it looked nice, it still had that wobbly, fiberboard-ish feel. Call me crazy, but I'm a big fan of REAL furniture - you know, made of non-synthetic materials and that lasts longer than a few years. I also know my limitations when it comes to assembling things, and after I had priced out what I needed plus montage (assembly), I was pretty sure I could just buy regular furniture for that price. I asked around a work and a colleague recommended a home park (basically a large shopping area filled with all kinds of stores for the home) in Koblenz where I could buy already-made furniture.

Koblenz is about an hour or so drive away from Ingelheim. Now, when I first got here, and took my first trip, I did not like the Autobahn at all. It felt like people were driving like bats out of hell on speed. Now that I've been on it a few times, I can say I LOVE THE FRIGGIN AUTOBAHN! It's fast. It's clean. It's SMOOTH. (Note: how is it that the Autobahn can stay completely smooth but roads in the US are constantly pot-holed and under construction?!) Once I figured out the rules - which boil down to "Go as fast as you can and get out of the way of someone going even faster", driving was great fun! I completely understand the German obsession with cars now, and while I'm sticking to my budget, a small part of me really, really wants a souped up BMW now. Zoom, zoom, zoooooom! I was regularly doing between 95-110mph, and it was awesome.

Less than awesome? Shopping for furniture... in German. While many people in Germany speak English, this is more regularly found in the larger cities. Koblenz is about 2 hours from any given major city and so it was hit or miss. I found a lovely sales assistant (named Nesli, she was Turkish but I kept thinking of chocolate) - but her English was even worse than my German. So here's how it worked. 

I would struggle out some German - "Ich mochte eine sofa kaufen, bitte. Grosse und weiche." (I'd like to buy a sofa, please. Big and soft).  And then she would answer me, all in German, while pointing towards objects. I'd try to answer in the affirmative "Ich liebe" or the negative "Ich nicht liebe". And so on. This worked surprisingly well, aided I think by the fact that I have managed to absorb much more German than I thought and that I can understand far more than I can articulate. My German teacher says this is normal. He also said I'm doing really, really, REALLY well. Which, without tooting my own horn, doesn't surprise me given how much I love languages. 

It took us a couple hours, but I managed to settle on a nice L-shaped sofa - mit bettfunktion (with sleeping function) and mit Lagerung (with storage - a little drawer comes out at the bottom). I picked my color and was able to understand that it won't arrive for about 10 weeks. At first this gave me a panic attack, until I realized I'd be traveling much of July and August - and also, I hardly ever have used the sofa here in my temporary housing. I also picked out a guest bed - Gaestebett, which will arrive at the same time. The entire experience was both hilarious and humbling. I hate not being able to say what I want to say! I did use my Google translate app a few times to convey more complex thoughts, but by and large, I managed much of it all on my own. I'm sure I sounded like a 7 year old with a limited vocabulary, but it worked and the purchase was made.

I then went next door to another store (Maisons du Monde) - recommended by a colleague, especially as they were having a huge sale. A very nice man (shout out to Brian!), who spoke perfect English as he was raised in military bases across the US, helped me navigate the world of Kleiderschrank and Essentischen and such. And about 90 minutes later, I had placed an order for my wardrobes, dining table and chairs,  TV stand and a few other small items. I also picked up this great rug that was on 80% off - it's in my trunk now, but will fit my floor perfectly.

I then mustered up enough energy to go into the IKEA (hell on Earth) to buy several light fixtures (think the big round paper balls that you see in Europe) to cover the lights in my new flat for the time being. In Germany, everything is left un-adorned so that you can customize as much as you want. In fact, I'm actually quite lucky there were lights set up. Several of the places I saw during my home-finding visit didn't have anything but wires coming out of the ceiling. This is quite normal here.

I then made my way home (going fast, fast, fast all the way). I headed out for a celebratory dinner at a local Italian restaurant. The waiter remembered me from my first visit (literally the day I arrived in Germany) and complimented me on being able to order in German this time and actually make sense. I had a nice conversation - in GERMAN - with two ladies next to me, who were kind enough to correct my grammar and word choice when they went awry. I'm finding people are very nice and helpful when they see that I'm trying hard to speak the language. I made the mistake of ordering a bottle of wine instead of a half-bottle (stupid, stupid metric system) and so now I have a half-bottle of wine to drink tonight (pretty sure that won't be a problem!). 

Also of note: German radio does not censor. I was half-listening to one of the stations and singing along and then realized I had just sang the F-word. (The song was "Riding Dirty" by Chamillionaire, and yes German is a bit behind the times in terms of modern music). I kept listening and sure enough, no censoring. I found this interesting as they have to know what the words mean - but I guess in Germany it just doesn't matter? Then again, during my nice dinner of salmon tartare last night, the restaurant was playing Ice, Ice, Baby without a hint of irony. 

I realized today that I really am liking this adventure. I can't wait until I move into my new apartment and get settled. I probably won't feel completely settled until September or so - all my furniture will have arrived, and I don't think I'm traveling much that month and so I'll get to settle in, meet people, relax. 

I head to the US on Monday for just a few days for work - back Thursday morning - and so I'm going to disconnect from the interwebs and lose myself in a good book. And a half bottle of wine ;)