Back in the 21st Century Again - Have You Missed Me??

Mood: Excited, Hungry
Listening To: “Ching Ching” - Ms. Jade feat Nelly Furtado

Dear Lord baby Jesus, lyin’ there in your ghost manger, just lookin’ at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin’ ‘bout shapes and colors. I would like to thank you for the wankers at SKY finally sending me the router and hooking up my interwebs. Amen.

Wow, after not having an internet connection in SO LONG, I am not even sure where to begin. It’s officially been exactly 2 months since I made the big move - but it feels like so much longer! England doesn’t feel like “home” yet, but I have come a long way since my days of hanging out in an Ashford hotel room eating chili con carne every night (because it was edible, low calorie and did not have mayonnaise on it). I am really glad that I chose Canterbury as my new 'hood (big ups to Joe and Marianne for the recommendation!) - the town is just the perfect size. I’ve spent several weekends wandering around, exploring, and I’ve still yet to scratch the surface of all the shops, side streets, nooks and crannies. It seems like I’m always noticing something new, which is awesome. Because, after living out of hotels on two continents for three months, I am thrilled to have a break from the monotony.

Side note: I get made fun of all the time for saying things like “awesome”. I’m not sure why the Brits find this to be so amusing but they do. Other things I’ve been made fun for are (in no particular order of importance) - “Have a nice day!”, being overly enthusiastic about everything (yes, this is an Erin trait, but it also apparently is an American trait too), “missing you already” (I don’t say this, but I know people who do). Today at lunch I was asked why Americans feel the need to say “vahhhzz” instead of “vase” (with a long “a”). I pointed out that its usually only really pretentious Americans who say things like that. I was next attacked becasue we pronounce the word “route” like “rowt”. As opposed to the British way - “root”. I tried to explain that the way they were saying it meant digging, or that the plumber was coming (RotoRooter!) - but it didn’t really help. We then got into a side discussion of what happened to all the extra “u"s in American English (i.e. Brits say "favour”; we say “favor”, etc). No one had a really good explanation, and I still prefer Jasper Fforde’s reasoning. For those of you who aren’t Thursday Next fans (shame on you!), the theory is that due to black market dealings and other factors, there was a letter shortage in the Text Sea (you have to read the books to understand) - so a decision was made to conserve letters by taking them away from places like America and Canada where “no one would notice anyway”.

At least once a week since I’ve been here, I’ve had it pointed out to me that Americans suffer from a superiority complex. I argued this at first, but I’m coming around to the British point of view. For example, I think nothing of saying - as a joke - “well that’s because I am the coolest person in the world!” or something similar. In America, people would know I’m exaggerating and making a joke. Over here, I run the risk of being perceived as arrogant, as the Brits (as a whole) tend to be reserved, understated and not prone to tooting their own horns.

I have been asked a few times why Americans think they are so much better than the rest of the world. My instinctive response? “Because we are”. LOL - thus proving the point! Questions like that that seriously make me think, though. As Americans we are raised to believe that we are in the “greatest country on the earth”, and that America leads the world in pretty much everything (exceptions being vodka consumption and stoicism (Russia), swarthiness (Latin America) and understated disdain (France)). I have pointed out that this is called patriotism and pride. Ye Olde British people have most assuredly disagreed - they see it as being arrogant, xenophobic and cocky. I am really struggling with this one because it is so a part of my nature. Like if someone at work compliments me on a project, I think nothing of responding “It’s a hard job being so perfect, but someone’s got to do it!”. I’m totally kidding, but it doesn’t always come across that way.

I can see things from others perspectives - the USA does indeed throw its weight around alot, and as the world’s largest superpower, drives a great deal of world policy. But, its as I told a friend the other night, I think its just like Spiderman. “With great power comes great responsibility”.  That’s why America ends up involved in all kinds of things outside our own borders, whether we really want to or not. I also think that non-Americans forget that when the USA does abstain from getting involved in any sort of fracas, then we are criticised for being uncaring, selfish and not being good global citizens. It’s kind of a no-win situation in a way.

Moving on to more entertaining topics…
Going out at night here is unbelievably entertaining. I am not going to touch the music or atmosphere right now - just the clothing choices. In Ireland, I noticed that the girls all wore fancy dress out (basically something we Americans would wear to a cocktail dinner, nice date, etc). I rarely saw jeans or anything super casual. Here in the jolly old, things are a bit more… extreme. I don’t know who started it or why, but the current fashion seems to be to dress like the skankiest prostitute you’ve ever seen. And I’m not kidding. A sample outfit I’ve seen alot is a really short dress (I’m talking barely cover your bum short), knee highs, black patent leather stripper shoes (4-6" heels, platform bottoms). No coat, and the dress is often strapless or sleeveless. Another big look is those leggings that look like liquid vinyl - paired with a bustier top and the stripper shoes. I think of everything, its the damn shoes that get to me. This is England, land of not so great roads. Where I live, the roads definitely have a cobblestone-y feel. Walking on them in flat shoes is okay, but add any kind of heel and it gets a bit tricky. I have no idea how these girls navigate them in those shoes, and when drunk.  That’s the other thing. People over here drink. They do not mess around. It’s like they are afraid that by next weekend all the alcohol will be gone or something. I do believe this is a major factor as to why people think its a good idea to stand in the middle of my street at 2am and start singing.

I’m tired, and I still haven’t eaten anything for dinner (and its 23 o'clock here!), so I’m going to sign off. But rest assured, the wit and wisdom of E-Dawg are back! You can look forward to regular amusing updates, especially since the next three weeks will take me to Brussels, Cyprus and lovely Tijuana!

Cheers all.
Federman out.