Veggie Tales

It is a reasonably beautiful day today here in the jolly old, and as I was walking to the grocery store this morning I realised that I’m fast approaching my 2 month anniversary of going vegan. Before I continue, I want to apologise to my readers - I know I said I wasn’t going to make an issue of this lifestyle change.

And I’m trying really hard not to - I just am flummoxed by how much people care about what I eat. Why on earth does it matter?! I could see people caring/being concerned if had decided to adopt a diet of, say, Old English and Pop Rocks. But I’m eating healthy! I’m taking vitamins! I’m exercising! I’m just not eating animal products! *this is me pulling out my hair*

So, I’m still eating vegan. I’ve fallen off the “wagon” twice due to limited food choices and once out of sheer curiosity. I have realised that animal products are much more deeply ingrained into our food supply than I ever thought. I’m a compulsive label-reader now, and I’m worse than Sally (from “When Harry Met Sally”) when I order my food. I feel like the Riddler with all my questions - “Does this have meat? Dairy? Cheese? Egg?” (because most people don’t seem to be able to process that dairy = cheese). I have found that British restaurants/pubs offer almost NOTHING that doesn’t have cheese, egg or milk. They also seem to get really offended when I ask for something without the above - I have even resorted to claiming some bizarre food allergy to get them to serve me food beyond a bowl of chips.

However, I expected the challenges around eating out/shopping for food. What I honestly didn’t expect were the bizarre conversations I have had and the headaches which have resulted.

Responses seem to largely fall into one of the following buckets:

• Oh, the horror. These are the people treat who me as if I’m dying of some horrible disease when I say I’m vegan.  They just cannot wrap their minds around the fact that I’m choosing not to eat animal products, and they equate it in their minds to me being denied the best life has to offer. I was in the line at my work canteen a week or so ago. The offering that day was some sort of Indian cuisine, and I was asking the chef if there was any dairy or egg in the veggie option. The chefs in my canteen have been very nice, even somewhat paternal, and always make sure I know what is in the food. When he explained apologetically that the curry did indeed have yoghurt in it, the woman in front of me added helpfully, “but you can have that kind (points to the meat dish) - it’s just chicken and spices!”. I thanked her for her help and explained that I didn’t eat meat either. She looked very confused, so I added, “I’m vegan. I don’t eat any animal products - that means no meat, no dairy and no egg/cheese”. Her mouth dropped open and her face made the equivalent look of horror as I had told her I was suffering from African mummy disease and my body parts were soon to disintegrate and fall off. She leaned forward, and after placing a comforting hand on my arm, whispered sotto voce, “I am so, so sorry.”
  
  


• Veggies are people, too. Ok, so no one has actually said that to me. It’s just that when I explain (only after being asked, by the way) that I choose not to eat animal products because I’m voting with my wallet to try to stop horrible cruelty and disgusting practices in our food supply, this type of person insists on then arguing about vegetables with me.
  “Do you only eat organic?”
  “Your vegetables have chemicals in them, too.”
  “Most of what you’re eating right now has been genetically engineered.”
  “If you follow your own rules about meat, you shouldn’t eat vegetables either.”
  This usually happens while I’m eating (aka hungry, and I’m not known for my diplomacy when hungry) and so I spend most of my energy trying not to slap them into next week. I try to calmly explain that I buy organic vegetables whenever I can, and try to shop at Farmer’s markets as much as possible. I also try to eat seasonally, though I am honest in admitting that years of “ready whenever you want it” eating have forced me to really spend time learning what is seasonal and what isn’t. I then admit that I’m not perfect and that I’m just doing what I think it is best for me and for the world - and that I’m not evangelising or trying to convert anyone. This conversation usually ends with the other person feeling superior and calling me a hypocrite, and with me being glad I don’t carry weapons of any kind.

• The Enforcer. This type of person enjoys watching my eating habits like a hawk, with an eye to “catching me out” and proving that I’m “not really vegan”. Their interpretation of veganism borders on the Biblical in its rigidity. Since changing my eating habits, I’ve eaten fish three times. Twice out of necessity, and once because I wanted to see if my tastes had changed and if I still loved sushi like a fat kid loves cake. The Enforcer type sees me eat fish and sits back, fully satisfied, and declares that all is okay with the world because I’m not “really vegan”. When I explain that yes, I am, but that I’m making an exception for (insert reason), they refuse to listen. So what if there were no other edible food options? So what if the chef refused to offer me anything besides french fries? Nope. Because I had some fish, I’m no longer vegan. Now, to be fair, this type of person is indeed factually correct. Vegans do not eat fish, period. I get that. But I became vegan because I wanted to eat better and because I think what happens to animals in the food supply is barbaric. If you think I don’t feel guilty if I eat any sort of meat, you’re wrong. But I’m not keeping score, and it doesn’t help to have someone staring over my shoulder at my every food choice. I can’t help but add, with more than a small bit of self-satisfaction, that I did have sushi the other day - and not only was it not enjoyable, I felt horrible afterwards. Not because the fish was bad, but because my body is no longer used to processing flesh. I remembered the taste (which I used to love), but now the taste seems tainted with the knowledge I have about where the fish come from.
  
  The Enforcer also loves to scan my wardrobe with hopes of finding some piece of offending leather. I’m probably a bad vegan, but I do own a pair of leather shoes or two. And I wear them. It’s probably callous, but in mind the cow who made these lovely boots is long past caring. The best I can do is make thoughtful choices moving forward. But I’m not going to give away some very expensive footwear just so I can make other people happy.

• See No Evil, Hear No Evil. This type of person doesn’t really care that I’m vegan. They just don’t want to hear anything that would alter their own worldview. Period. This includes information about trans fats, sugar, salt, you name it. They live in a bubble of their own making and are quite happy with their 25 oz steak and side of cheesy carbs, thank you very much. I can go out to eat with them, and they won’t comment on my food choice - as long as I don’t comment on theirs. Even though I think they could benefit from a better understanding of what is going in their mouth (and no, that doesn’t mean becoming vegan), I actually sort of enjoy hanging with them as I can eat in peace - and we can talk about things other than food.
  
  


• The Rebutter. This type of person isn’t exactly in denial, but they don’t seem to want to hear anything but their own opinion. I actually had an entire discussion that falls into this category and it centered around eggs. After grudgingly conceding that maybe chickens might be mistreated and that they could possibly be raised in less than optimal conditions, the conversation suddenly made a shift to eggs. Why wouldn’t I eat eggs? I tried to explain that chickens are kept on hormones to keep producing eggs and that it isn’t healthy - and that the eggs have chemicals too. I was told, and I’m not kidding when I say this, “the eggs are up inside the chicken inside the egg shell so they’re fine”. This was also the same person who said that it probably wasn’t bad that milk has allowable percentages of feces in it - after all, weren’t vegetables grown in the dirt and often fertilised with manure, and what was the difference? To give them credit, these are some creative arguments, but they just make my head hurt.

(It is so strange - veganism is one of those things where people expect you to be perfect (including other vegans sometimes). I always tell people that I’m not trying to win an award, and that I’m doing this for me, not to please anyone else. I try really hard not to talk about it because it tends to take over the entire conversation. I bring it up when I need to - i.e. in situations where food is involved - and that’s it. I have also been really candid in saying that I am not a meat-hater. If I knew someone with a farm, and I could guarantee that the animals weren’t mistreated, were fed grass and normal food, weren’t hopped up on chemicals, and were allowed to run free as animals are supposed to do - well then, yes, I might chow down on some fried chicken. But the chances of me stumbling across that are beyond rare. And so until I decide to move to a commune or become a farmer, I don’t see myself eating meat anytime in the near future.)

• The Superior. This is the person who things vegetarianism or veganism is an easy target for jokes or ridicule. They appear accepting but take every opportunity to poke fun or to imply that anyone who doesn’t eat meat is “cuh-ray-zay”. I haven’t done any sort of scientific research but my off-the-cuff analysis seems to show a disproportionate amount of these people shop at Walmart/ASDA, eat largely processed food, have about an 8 year old’s grasp of world events and foreign policy and would be completely happy to spend their entire lives glued to the TV, eating fast food and taking pointless vacations to overpopulated beaches filled with the same type of people as themselves.

However, what has been truly rewarding has been the amazing response from my friends. I call these people:

• Awesome. Awesome people realise that this was my choice and support me fully. They go to restaurants that are vegan-friendly with me but don’t make a big deal about it. They don’t comment if I travel with nuts, berries or other snacks (as I am always hungry). They don’t wave meat in front of me in hopes of tempting me back to “real food”. They do ask questions, but they are well-considered questions borne out of a true curiosity. Most importantly, they realise that what I eat is about 10% of who I am as a person. I LOVE MY AWESOME FRIENDS!

I would love to hear from other vegans about their experiences, and to get any suggestions - not only around food choices, but also around how to handle all the crazy discussions that ensue.

I also promise to give this a rest for a bit.

I’ll probably post a bit in a few months about my experiences on the road, as I’ll be hitting Italy, the Netherlands, Finland, France, Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Spain, Portugal, Greece and Belgium in the next four months for work - and I’m sure a great deal of hilarity will ensure, and not just of the food-related variety…