Catching Up: Liechtenstein

I can't believe the last time I updated das blog was back in September! I really need to be more disciplined about this - especially since I have put myself on a Facebook hiatus given my tendency to want to get way too involved in some online debates (hours and hours of time I will never get back).

So, what has been going on since September? Lots of travel - as per usual. Some of it for fun (my brother's wedding), most of it for work. I've traveled so much this year that since June I've already hit Lufthansa's highest frequent flyer level. After E and A came, W came to visit me and we had a fantastic time. On the spur of the moment, we decided on an overnight trip to Liechtenstein. You may recall that W is the one who "encouraged" me to paraglide off a 2,000m mountain in August - so it probably shouldn't come as a surprise that our short trip involved me hiking up the side of one of the mountains (namely Alpsptize in the Wetterstein Gebirge). I was woefully underprepared - both in terms of general fitness level and shoewear - but I managed to follow W up to the Summit Cross. (Learn more here: http://www.summitpost.org/alpspitze/577392). The view was breathtaking.

Keeping a smile as we make our way upward...

Above the clouds

Up at the top, near the cross

After hiking, we spent some time in the town of Vaduz, and also hiked up to the castle in that town. The walk up wasn't as bad as the mountain, but was tough as it was very steep. As the royal family still actually lives in the castle, we couldn't go in. We left the town shortly thereafter due to an infestation of Asian tourists pouring out of all parts of tour busses. I have been to Asia, and I have nothing personally against any nationality. However, it is an undeniable fact that the majority of Asians (and by "Asian" I mean the conventional American understanding, which does not include India - but rather Japanese and Chinese mostly) make horrible tourists! They crowd everything, take photos of EVERYTHING and are, by any cultural standard, quite rude. Both W and I were physically pushed out of the way. No "Excuse me". Not even a gesture - I get it you don't speak the language, but a smile and pointing is universal. Nope. You know how two objects cannot occupy the same space? Well, that is super true because when an Asian tourist wants to occupy your space, it's like you don't even exist.

Side note: Yes, I know Americans can make AWFUL tourists. I fully own this. In fact, I can always find my countrymen and women by simpling closing my eyes and listening for the LOUDEST voices - anywhere. Americans traveling tend to be uncouth, poorly dressed, somewhat rude and ridiculously loud and boisterous. That being said, you can usually count on them for at least an "excuse me" or "pardon". They will probably say it loudly while wearing breakaway basketball pants and a t-shirt from Disneyland, but they do say it.

On the way back, I had the pleasure of encountering the inflexibility of the Austrian police. So, to get to Liechtenstein, we drove south in Germany and then crossed through both Switzerland and Austria. My GPS system clearly indicated that we had a toll road on the way, and so W. had Euro ready to pay. On the way down, we didn't notice any sort of toll booth or relevant signage and so made the assumption that maybe somehow we were routed around the toll area. On the way back, we did see a sign or two that looked like this (see below), and so we calculated that we owed something between 4 and 9 Euro. We had cash, we were ready.

Note it does not say where to pay the toll ANYWHERE

We may have even seen a sign or two that looked like this:

Here you can get a Vignette.

Keep in mind that neither of us speak German very well, and even with my lessons all I understood was that this was where someone would "buy a vignette". For my entire life, my understanding of the word vignette has been:

vi·gnette

vinˈyet/

noun

1. 1.

   a brief evocative description, account, or episode.
2. 2.

   a small illustration or portrait photograph that fades into its background without a definite border.

verb

1. 1.

   portray (someone) in the style of a vignette.

Also keep in mind the signs in between countries tend to be woefully small, with the exception of the old Customs crossings. In truth, the signs between Ohio and Pennsylvania are more clear and visible than between Switzerland and Austria, or Austria and Germany. So we're just cruising along and then up ahead I see dividers separating the road into two lanes, with a police officer standing in between. I slow down and W starts getting excited. "I bet they are stopping us to check for refugees!" she exclaimed. (Which does, in fact, make sense - given that many of the refugees sneak into Germany by way of the Austrian border.)

The police officer gives me a stern look and waves me to the right, where I join a queue of other perplexed-looking travelers. I get ready to pop the trunk, and I pull out my EU residency permit just in case. At this point, I sort of ready to be a part of modern day history. Up walks a very stern looking Austrian police officer. I roll down my window and he lets go a stream of very angry German. I try to explain, in German, that I only speak a very little bit of his language and it would be great if he could speak more slowly, when he cuts me off with "Anglisch? Eeeenglish?". I nod, and then he proceeds to lecture me about not paying the toll. Oh, I think - we've got this! I gesture towards W who now has the Euro out and ready.

Austrian police officer was not amused. He asked for my license and registration and tells me (still very sternly) that I do not have the necessary toll sticker. The conversation went a bit like this:

Austrian Police Officer (APO): You do not have a vignette. You need a vignette.
Me: Vignette? I didn't see any signs about a, um, vignette?
APO: Did you not see that this is a toll road?
Me: Yes, we did. That's why we have our money ready.
APO: No, you need a vignette. It clearly says so on the sign.
Me: We saw a sign that said toll road, and how much we were to pay, and --
APO: Did you not see that you need a vignette?
Me: ... I may have seen that word, but I don't know what you mean by it. In English, ---
APO: Vignette! (pauses) Sticker. You need a toll sticker.
Me: Oh! Ok. But it didn't say where to buy one.
APO: You buy it anywhere - gas stations, libraries, stores. Everyone knows this.
Me: ...
APO: You do not have a sticker.
Me: Ok, can I buy one?
APO: No. You must pay 120 Euro fine. Come with me now.

And so I followed the officer to a little trailer they had set up, apparently for just this purpose. I tried to be polite, and asked the officer if he happened to have any examples of the sign we clearly missed, so that I don't make the mistake again in the future. He pulls out a BINDER filled with basically the same picture from different parts of Austria (so clearly, this is not the first time he has gotten this question) and proceeds to flip through it angrily, showing me all the signs. "Even in English!", he yells at one point. I concede, that yes - absolutely - it does say "Toll road" and "Must have vignette" in English. I tried to explain that it does not explain that apparently in Austria, a vignette is not a short story but rather a toll sticker - and also that it says nowhere on any sign where one can purchase said vignettes.

I think this was just too much for him. "YOU CAN BUY AT ANY GAS STATION! LIBRARY! STORE! ANY ONE OF THEM! EVERYONE IS KNOWING THIS!"

I really didn't want to spend the night in an Austrian jail (although W would have loved it because she would have a) taken a pic of me in handcuffs, b) left me there overnight and c) had a great story to tell) so I did not point out that everyone, in fact, is NOT knowing this. I handed over my debit card and returned to my car 120 Euro poorer and with a greater appreciation for the rigid nature of the Germanic culture.

**Side note: a bit of research has shown me that the guy actually DID help me out by only making me pay half the full fine, which is normally 240 Euro; but still. Given that I was driving through Austria for about 7.5 minutes, he could have just let me go with a warning.**

Lesson? Before I travel ANYWHERE again that is outside the small radius of my home/work/airport comfort level, I'm spending some serious time on Google to make sure I don't encounter any more weird shit.

The best part of this? When I told coworkers, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM was like "Vignette? Oh yeah, everyone knows all about this. You need it for Austria, and some parts of Switzerland and they are really quite affordable - sometimes just 20 or 30 Euro for a whole year."

In case anyone from the Austrian highway department happens to find my blog, I'd like to share that:

EVERYONE DOES NOT KNOW ALL ABOUT THIS.
VIGNETTE DOES NOT EQUAL STICKER IN THE ENGLISH SPEAKING WORLD.
IF YOU WANT ME TO BUY A STICKER, THEN PUT "GO BUY A STICKER" ON THE SIGN - AND HERE'S A THOUGHT. PERHAPS ADD AN ICON OF A STORE, OR A GAS STATION. THESE ALREADY EXIST. YOU CAN PROBABLY EVEN GET ONE FOR FOR FREE ON GOOGLE OR ASK YOUR BUDDIES WHO MAKE THE EXIT SIGNS.
ALSO, 120 EURO FOR YOUR SIGN BEING BUSTED IS NOT AT ALL A GOOD WAY TO ENCOURAGE TOURISM.

Unbeknownst to me, W was very familiar with this concept, having traveled quite a bit in some Eastern European countries where this was the norm, but even she missed the point of the signs.

But in my defense, VIGNETTE? Come on.
Yes, I did Google translate "toll sticker" and in German it is Vignetten. And I feel you for that, I do. But if you're going to translate it to English, the answer is not to just remove the "n".

So for anyone thinking of driving around Austria, Bulgaria, Czech Republic, Hungary, Moldova, Romania, Slovakia, Slovenia or Switzerland, can I just suggest a little light reading?

AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR VIGNETTES!!!