Mya Sistra

Last night my little sister and I stayed up talking into the wee hours of the morning. Our conversation began, predictably, with a disagreement and then pinball bounced through the weighty subjects of love, life, loss and forgiveness. It was one of the most honest discussions we’ve ever had, and I find myself still working to process some of of the revalations.

She and I have always had a complicated relationship. When she was born, I was an only child who wanted very much to stay an only child. She was the chosen favourite of both parents, which didn’t make things any easier, and add to that the fact that our financial circumstances put me early into the role of defacto parent. I don’t think I ever really learned how to interact with her person-to-person, sister-to-sister.

That was one of the more startling part of our discussion last night. She had expected me to “just know” something about her behaviour. I had to admit that I didn’t really know her that well at all - and vice versa, she didn’t know me. I left home at 17, and with the six-year age difference, that meant our time together was limited to me serving as babysitter, gatekeeper, arbitrater and judgemental sibling. We didn’t have the experience of bonding over her adolescence. She didn’t have the experience of watching me move into adulthood. When we finally reconnected, the imbalance still existed, as I was in my mid-20s, working on a second degree and building my career and she was in her late teens, bouncing from one misadventure to the other. There was no common ground upon which we could meet and relate.

I never knew how to interact with her without judging, telling, criticising, guiding. She didn’t know how to relate to me without shutting down, aiming for perfection, deliberately rebelling. It made for a complex series of interactions, further exacerbated by our uncanny abilities to know exactly what to say and do to achieve maximum hurt for the other.

Over the past year, something has shifted. I think that I have finally started to see her as a unique person and not just “my little sister”, and I think some perspective and maturity have allowed her to see me as more three dimensional as well. She is married, has a great career, is finishing two degrees and is about to move into her first home. I am living overseas, making a name for myself in my chosen field, and traveling the world. The ground between is not common, but it is finally balanced.

I feel like rather than looking down upon her, I am able to look across and see her as an equal. It feels good.