Wonder Woman?

I don’t know if this is an actual quote or if I’m misremembering, but I think I once heard someone say that the things we hate the most in others are but a reflection of our own worst qualities. Even if this isn’t an accurate quote, I still think it is somewhat true. I have long said that I hate weakness in others – especially in the opposite sex. I have been known to dismiss people and feel unrelenting contempt towards them solely on this trait alone. Well… just recently something happened that made me realise that perhaps the reason I am so demanding and unyielding in this aspect is because deep down, I can be pretty weak myself.


I never thought of myself as inherently weak – I mean I’ve been through some crazy shit in my life and come out the other side, often times better off. I’ve stayed strong in situations that would have put other people under. But like anything else, I reckon that weakness isn’t binary. There are varying shades, varying degrees, and varying kinds of weakness.  And this is going to sound ridiculous, but the closest analogy to my own weakness that I can think of is Superman. He was so strong, could move the world fast enough to go back in time, bend steel, stop bullets – but put him around a piece of kryptonite and a 3 year old could take him down.

I certainly won’t be stopping any bullets or holding up speeding trains any time soon, but I consider myself to be a pretty fierce, capable woman. So what’s my kryptonite? Given what it is, I’m not sure putting it out there on the interwebs for all to see is such a good idea. Let’s just say that one of the very things that makes me who I am is also what leaves me vulnerable to some serious emotional hurt. I’ve also realised that, in a typically unfortunate twist of fate, the personality type to which I am most attracted is also the one most well-equipped to  cause me serious emotional havoc.

So where does this blistering insight leave me?

Slightly confused and majorly frustrated – because like anything else, just because I now sort of understand it doesn’t mean I have any clue as to how to go about repairing this hole in my defence system. (This whole situation is like Canada - I mean we know it's there, but what on earth to do with/about it?) I suppose that the upside is that now that I know I have a propensity for possibly being more sensitive than is good for me, I can at least try to put things into perspective moving forward.

I’m thinking maybe adopting a shield would be a good move too. I haven’t quite worked out the psychic-shield option, so I’m thinking something more like this -

After much careful consideration, the sword and wrist cuffs would be totally awesome, too.

Regardless of its efficacy, it certainly would be a conversation piece.

On the train: "Excuse me, sir, you're getting fingerprints and Englishness all over my magic shield."
At work: "I'll be right in for that meeting, just need to polish up my shield. Has anyone seen my sword?"
In da club: "Girl, I know you did not just spill your glass of Hypnotiq all over my shield. Don't make me put on my magic arm cuffs and take you outside to my invisible jet!"

Or I could just stick to my tried-and-true most favourite shield of all, and that is my ineffable sense of humour. ;)

Federman out.