Vienna

"Slow down, you crazy child
you're so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you're so smart, tell me
Why are you still so afraid?

Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?
You'd better cool it off before you burn it out
You've got so much to do and
Only so many hours in a day

But you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want or you get old
You're gonna kick off before you even
Get halfway through
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?"  - excerpt from "Vienna", by Billy Joel

I arrived in Vienna late Tuesday evening after an all day meeting at a hotel at Heathrow Airport. For those not in the know, I have been in Vienna for my product's European launch meeting, where we officially launch celebrate the launch with our internal European colleagues. Total headcount was about 70 people and the meeting lasted from Weds evening - Friday afternoon. The fun part was that I had about 4 1/2 weeks to plan and execute everything, and for 2 of those weeks I was travelling in America.

I spent several hours working with our event team and agency teams setting things up and then collapsed into bed around 1am. I was up at 6:30am on Wednesday and after a quick breakfast, proceeded to run non-stop for the rest of the day, working to get everything set up for the big kick-off that evening. For anyone who has not planned a meeting, there is SO MUCH work to be done that people just don't see. Setting up all the signage, ensuring the breakout rooms are configured and arranged, getting the A/V and lighting just right, checking and rechecking all the orders with the hotel so that nothing goes amiss - it's an immense amount of actions to check off on a to-do list. I ran around all day Wednesday until we officially kicked off the meeting at 19h with a knowledge fair + dinner buffet. The highlight was when I asked for my hamburger at lunchtime to be cooked medium rare and I was told quite vehemently (like when I was in Germany) that "NO! That is ILLEGAL". I wanted to counter that was should be illegal is overcooking meat, but I was too tired to be my usual pain in the ass self.

When the meeting kicked off, I was eyes and ears the entire time, making sure everything was going well, organised properly, and that all my VIPs were happy. Once the meeting ended at 20:30, there were another few hours of set-up to do. I think I got to bed that evening about midnight.

I was up at 5am on Thursday, as this was the big kick-off day. All of my VIPs (including our Regional President for Europe) were giving presentations and the day was chock full of workshops, three of which I was running as well. The meeting ran from 8am - 5:30pm, and then we met again at 7pm to go to the big dinner gala. The gala lasted until 1am, and I made it to bed (after some urgent, last-minute emails) about 2am.  I was up at 5am on Friday to deal with a logistical emergency. The meeting ran until 3:30pm, and then there was a good hour and a half of final details, packing things up, etc. By 5pm, I was ready to absolutely collapse. However, I rallied to meet the global team who had flown over from the U.S. for dinner, as I wanted to see Vienna on a Friday night. I got to bed last night at midnight, and then had the luxury of sleeping this morning until 9am. I worked until check-out at noon, and then spent the afternoon exploring a bit of the city, using up the very last of my precious energy reserves.

I'm proud to report that the meeting was an unqualified success. I had so many people complimenting the agenda, or the venue, and telling me that it was one of the best meetings they had ever attended. The gala dinner on Thursday night was at Palais Daun Kinsky, and people could not stop raving about it. Everything seemed to come together seamlessly and there were no snafus (that were visible to anyone besides myself and the event team). My boss, her boss and his boss were all extremely happy and I think I made a very good impression. I am more tired than I have been in years and I ache all over, but I'm happy. I wish I could disappear for a week to recharge, but that is most definitely not going to happen!

So, my thoughts on Vienna.

I really, really like this city. The people I have met have been amazingly helpful and friendly. I have very limited German, but I have found that they accept my attempts graciously and don't comment when I make grievous errors. I think it's just like in Paris - they like you more for making the effort. I did have a guy offer to "buy me" on the Karlsplatz... he said that in German and I thought I misunderstood, but when I asked him to clarify, he said in very loud, animated English "I.... BUY.... you!!!". I chose to ignore his obvious meaning and said winningly, "you buy me...frankfurter?" with a big smile. So I got a free lunch and managed to escape handily into a woman's shoe store thereafter. As expected, he did not give chase.

I have fallen in love with the architecture. I don't know why people don't build like that anymore, as it truly is stunning. I think what impresses me the most is the level of detail involved. Modern buildings, intricate though they may be, seem so boring and cheap compared to the grand designs of Europe. I just think that in 500 years, these buildings will still be standing. I doubt, however, that future alien races will marvel at our glass and steel monstrosities. (I will find out first-hand, of course, since I'll be having a robot body and will still be around, just like that little robot kid from AI)

Friday night at dinner we went to this charming little Austrian restaurant where the menu was all in German and the food choices consisted of boiled meat + potato, fried meat + potato or sausage + potato. I opted for the boiled version – called Tafelspitz – and it was surprisingly good. I loved the potatoes and carrots that came with it even more. I guess it feels familiar since that is pretty much standard Cincinnati fare – meat and potatoes.

I want to finish this blog entry before my next birthday, and so in the interest of time, I’m just going to bulletpoint the rest of my thoughts (apologies to those of you expecting more lush narrative…)

• Smoking is still allowed in Vienna. You can have a smoking or non-smoking room. The restaurant we ate in was about as big as my flat and half of it was a “smoking section”. (Which was filled with an old man and a couple who were apparently trying to have sex with one another through their clothes during dinner… strange thing was no one seemed to mind this at all…)
• German is easier to figure out than I originally thought. After so many days of hearing it and staring at it, it started to make a bizarre sort of sense to me – thus reinforcing my long standing belief that I have missed my calling as an uber-linguist and/or ninja spy.  I am actually only sort of kidding in that respect, since I really am good with languages. I picked up the accent in Austria well enough to fool people into responding to me in full-blown sentences. I’d ask for water, or buy a ticket or ask for directions and then have to haltingly say, “Entschuldigen Sie… Ich spreche kein Deutsch. Sprechen Sie Englisch?”, using up all the German I have at my disposal.
• The city was very clean – surprisingly clean given the number of tourists wandering to and fro
• I now have Ameri-dar (kind of like gaydar, but for Americans). I can spot them miles away. In one case it was an obvious case of wearing a visor + Rockports, but in another it was all about the posture and the way they walked. I don’t know how to describe it but I can see someone across a crowded space and just know. Is it the look of overfed entitlement? Is the map-holding and stupid commentary? Is it the fact that they seem to congregate in fast-food restaurants with their loud, ill-behaved children? Or is it something more primal… a secret ancient sensing of one’s own “tribe”? These are the thoughts which keep me awake sometimes… LOL
• I wonder if I’m that obviously American? I am thinking not, since I had so many people just walk up to me and start conversations in German. Not trying to sell you stuff German, just the “hi, how are you” kind of things. Must be because my family history is… well, German.
• Many of the men do sound pretty much like Arnold – yes, the Governator. But there is a distinctive Viennese accent and they are quick to point out that they speak Austrian German, not regular German. Which is true… as their version is much more lyrical than say, Munich German.
• I am an idiot. I didn’t need to go to Vienna to suss this out, but the trip reinforced it. I’d like to blame it on severe exhaustion and stress, but it’s pretty much down to me being a ‘tard. You see, I was reading all these magazines in my room and they kept mentioning “Wien” and going to “Wien” and so on and so forth. And so I was really puzzling out where this “Wien” place (I was pronouncing it “ween” in my head)… until at the end of my second day it just suddenly hit me that “Wien” = Vienna, just like “Munchen” = Munich. To quote my friend Charlie Sheen, “Duh”.
• They seem to eat a surprising amount of fish in Vienna – this may not surprise others, but it did me.
• The art history in Vienna is just as fascinating as the musical history. I am a HUGE Klimt fan, and it was fantastic to go see an exhibit at the Leopold Museum featuring him and Egon Schiele (another favourite). I’m thinking I need to do an Art History tour of Europe…

And with these scattered thoughts, I shall end this missive. I enjoyed my brief trip and I would love to go back – not only to Vienna (and explore the famous nightlife that I didn’t get to see, but some of my co-workers did until six in the morning ¬¬) but also to the rest of Austria. Which is funny because Austria was never on my list of places to see.

But I’m proud of myself because I pushed through the fatigue and spent a good 12 hours exploring the city, fulfilling my resolution to see as much of Europe this year as possible… and of course, not to deprive Europe of seeing as much of me as possible, either. ;)

Next stop? Helsinki… stay tuned!

Federman out.