Singapore Adventures

2 June 2010
11:00 pm Singapore Time
Location: Chiangi Airport, awaiting flight to Fukuoka, Japan
Theme Song: Weird Asian flute music that is playing on the Singapore Airlines lounge soundsystem (basically sounds like they are trying to get a snake out of the basket by threatening it with the most disjointed combination of notes humanly possible)

Yes, yes I know it has been ages since I’ve updated this blog and I’m very sorry to my many fans for making you wait so long. At least you have had “Glee” to keep you company and provide much-needed comic relief.

I arrived in Singapore on Sunday, the 31st after a lovely long 13 hour flight. I lucked out by purchasing my ticket two months in advance which means I got a deeply discounted business-class ticket (only a few hundred quid more than coach). Let me just say that there is absolutely no good reason for anyone to fly that kind of distance in coach. Yes, I’d even go far as to say that it is inhumane. Ok, that is a stretch, especially compared to all the horrible things going on in the world, but I think being smooshed between two (usually) smelly people with about enough room for a hermit ranks up there with waterboarding and electroshock therapy. Sitting in business class (“Club World” in British Airways lingo) was divine. I was on the upper deck - which was the top level on those cool double decker planes - and it was so nice and dark and QUIET. The seats turn into a lie-flat bed and so I was able to curl up and sleep and drool to my heart’s content. I think I was able to get about 8 hours of sleep during the flight (in three bits as I kept waking up to go to the bathroom or turn over or due to turbulence). While I am still horribly jet-lagged, I have to say I felt nearly human when we landed. The last time I flew any sort of long distance - 10 hours from LAX to London-Heathrow - I got off the plane and I felt like I had just been beaten up by an American gladiator weilding one of those big foam wand things. Also, as I’ve experienced before, the air crew tend to treat you like an actual human being when you’re seated in business or first class. They are nice, accomodating and hardly ever bust out the stink eye. Oh, and there are snacks a-plenty. (Although since it was BA, 90% of said snacks featured butter, mayonnaise or some bizarre nasty food combination - i.e. tuna sweetcorn salad - thus rendering them inedible, but it its the thought that counts, right?)

My colleague picked me up at Chiangi Airport once I landed on Sunday. I was so not prepared for the all-encompassing muggy, hot and humid air. Think of Cincinnati, late August, no air conditioning. My hair immediately revereted back into full 1990’s style afro-puffs. (For those of you who still have a WHHS yearbook, kindly refer to my 8th grade picture. Yeah, that kind of hair) I was immediately thanking my lucky stars that I had packed skirts and dresses, and not just my normal suits (which tend to be heavier). I have spent the past three days basically in a constant pool of sweat and stickiness, fighting chubb rub (yep I had to buy blister stick to put on my thighs and no, I ain’t proud), developing heat rash and breaking out like I was 13 again. Interestingly enough, I have also drank more hot tea than I think I have in my entire time in England so far. (weird) The scary part is that my colleague told me that I brought the “good” weather with me. Sweet baby Jesus, I’d hate to see a bad few days. I’d probably melt, and all that would be left is a pale white blob of goo with what looks like a Brillo pad on top.

In addition to sweating like a sinner at the Pearly Gates, I’ve also managed to gain about 2kg thanks to the constant stream of food shoved my way. My colleagues were adamant that I experience true Singaporean cuisine and while it was an awesome experience, I literally felt like I was stuck in a game of Hungry Hungry Hippo and I was the broken hippo where the mouth never shut. Restaurants here have what is called “set” meals - basically multi-course extravaganzas where the food never seems to stop coming. While here, I experienced a Dim Sum set meal (Karen and Nikki - it was NOTHING like the scary dim sum in Seattle, thank goodness), a traditional spicy crab set meal (I think there were 7-8 dishes), a traditional “chicken rice” set meal (only 4-5 dishes to this one), a traditional Singaporean-Chinese set meal (again, 5-6 dishes) and a Singaporean-Italian set meal (thank goodness, only 3 courses). Despite the fact that I didn’t really eat much breakfast (usually fruit and toast from the Marriott Concierge lounge), I found myself Thanksgiving-style stuffed by 2pm every day. And I didn’t eat that much of each dish!

Cool things I noticed in Singapore:

1. All cars are equipped with this cool card reader machine (it looks like a small credit card machine - or a Pin and chip machine for you Brits - mounted to the inside of the windshield) that has what is essentially like a reloadable cash card in it. It is used for parking. There is some kind of chip or infrared or weird ninja technology so that when you exit a parking lot, it reads your card and immediately deducts the amount due. So all you do is just push a button for a receipt. Therefore, there are NO lines exiting parking lots. Its really a great system, albeit a bit Big Brother-ish

2. They abide by the lovely British right-hand drive system. BUT they have all but eliminated roundabouts, due to continued confusion and accidents. Smart, smart people these Singaporeans.

3. The taxis have lighted signs on top that say “Empty” or “Hired”. No more guessing whether the light means Empty (US) or Occupied (UK) - or maybe that’s the other way around? Either way, no more guessing. If you can read, you know what the deal is.

4. No litter.
5. No graffiti.
6. No horn honking.
7. No roaming bands of “youfs”

Which brings me to…

8. Caning! While its not necessarily something “cool”, I have to say it appears to work. At press time, I have already compiled a list of people I personally know who could do with an introduction to Mr. Cane. If you’re reading this blog, you - or someone you know - is probably on said list, since I adopted the “better safe than sorry” policy when compiling it. ;)

9. Excellent mixture of modernity and greenspace. A great example is Orchard Road, where I stayed. While there are TONS of shopping malls in Singapore, Orchard Road has a very very large concentration of them. The entire street is one big sensory overload, with store after store, and multi-level shopping malls and deaprtment stores on either side of the street. I’m not joking when I say that it would probably take me over a week to properly go in and out of each store - not to shop in the store, but to go in and look around. Anyway, there are all these huge modern buildings interspersed with beautiful trees and foliage. The medians had grogeous trees, and at nighttime, birds return to the trees and so there is this overwhelming sound of chirping. If you close your eyes, it sounds like you’re in a nature preserve. But you open them only to see a huge TV billboard on the side of building in Chinese. Crazy!

10. High-tech stuff everywhere. My hotel room had this little console by the bed with buttons saying “Bed 1”, “Bed 2”, “Desk”, “Bathroom” etc and I pushed the button to control all the lights. What was really cool is there were also buttons for “Do Not Disturb” and “Make Up Room”. (It took me about 10 minutes to stop looking for the “make-up room” - I was thinking it was like a vanity room or something - and realise that the button meant for housekeeping to come clean the room. Yeah, I’m a ‘tard, I know.

Ok, so there’s lots more to dish on but I have to run as my flight to Fukuoka is boarding soon. Apparently security is at the gate here so I need to hustle.

Cheerio!
Your friendly Angmo (the Singaporean word for “whitey”…will explain later)